took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
