no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yo dont text me then not text me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
