yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
