Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
