i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
