I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
