he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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