I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
