so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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