why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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