if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
