Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
