My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
