Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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