Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
