Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize