i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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