Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
