when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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