batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my sisters under your porch take her home
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
