the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
