i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
