I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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