dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize