I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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