so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize