If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
