Swine flu. Run for my life!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize