I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
