Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
