Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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