I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
