i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
