what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
