Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
