No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
