I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
