if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
