don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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