the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
