I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
