i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
