I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
