ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
