Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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