So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize