I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
