my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
