the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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