Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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