I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
