i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
