my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
