Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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