look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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