I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
