Can Purell be used as lube?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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