I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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