I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
