It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
