Please, let me fuck your mom
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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