If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
