these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
