Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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