So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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