My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
