My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
