did you get engaged???
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
