Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
