piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I looked at my own cervix.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
