no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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