I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
