so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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