I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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