why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
